I'm jealous of your bromance
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
