so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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