I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
you never un-have a 4some
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
