Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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