I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
