All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
