fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
