Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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