I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
