So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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