last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
