question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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