we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
