I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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