Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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