Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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