I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
