You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
