I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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