Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
