So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
