i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
