big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
