Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
