Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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