I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
