i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
