i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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