what day is it and did you see me today?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you didnt know i had herpes?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
