i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
