I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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