it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
