I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
