can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
