Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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