Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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