I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
