Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
so much tequila, so little girl.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
