I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
