I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
