I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
