i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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