I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
