I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Randomize
