Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
