I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
