Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more