Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.