No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.