I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.