Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
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So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
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im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship