So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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