With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
