There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
