YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
