how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
