but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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