I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
