My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
