There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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