saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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