Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
