your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
