just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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